The end of the world may be coming on December 21, so in honor of this historic event (and just in case we survive!), I’ve compiled a list of 21 trends I would love to see come to a dramatic conclusion. Here they are in no particular order.
1. THE STUDS
I’m not talking about Channing Tatum in Magic Mike, but all of the studding being on every article of clothing. Enough.
2. SUPER LONG HAIR EXTENSIONS
Even when they look good, we can tell they aren’t real. And when they’re done badly, it’s a whole other tragedy.
3. FAKE EYELASHES
While I’m at it, the super-long, fake eyelashes or extensions need to go, too. We know those aren’t your real lashes, and you aren’t on a runway, in a fashion editorial or starring in a porn film. Lots of mascara and maybe a few individual add-on lashes will do.
4. LOGOS & BRAND NAMES ON THE OUTSIDE
This comes with a caveat. It’s fine if the logo is somewhat subtle, like Chanel and Hermes, or an iconic pattern that’s part of the brand’s storied history, like Louis Vuitton (120+ years), Gucci (90+ years) or Goyard (110+ years).
5. YES, YOU CAN BE TOO TAN
A nice glow is one thing. Looking like a dry, over-baked potato is another. Don’t get me started if you think orange = tan.
On scarves, on tees, on every other accessory. I don’t want to see anymore skulls until Halloween.
7. OVER-PLUMPED BOOBS, LIPS, FACES AND UNNATURAL-LOOKING PLASTIC SURGERY IN GENERAL
Let’s strive for a little ‘realness,’ shall we?
8. YOGA PANTS
They’re for practicing yoga, ladies, not to be worn all day long.
9. OVER-DESIGNED DENIM
Any denim that’s designed to look overly distressed or has elaborate stitching. Basic jeans should have the perfect fit, be very plain and get ages naturally by the wearer, not some machines.
Do I even need to explain why this inexplicable phenomenon needs to go away?
11. SICKENINGLY SKINNY
I will agree that you can never be too rich, but you can be too thin. Being fit is one thing, but emaciated is another story. Here’s the deal: as long as you have a waist, I don’t care what size you are. If your belly is bigger than your upper torso or hips, then you need to get healthy. If we see the definition of your bones and not your muscle, then you need to eat a sandwich.
Ugh! I mean, UGGs! No, I mean Uuuuuugh!
13. NERD GLASSES
Big oversized nerd glasses on anyone older than high school age or who is not a true eccentric.
They just kinda creep me out. This is a more personal thing.
15. OLD GIRLS IN LITTLE DRESSES
Body-con dresses worn too small mostly on women who are too old to be wearing them in the first place. But I’m not sparing the PYTs, because I see your LBC (lower butt cleavage) everywhere. Not chic.
16. MULLET DRESSES/SKIRTS
It had a moment. Now that moment is over – hopefully for another 30 years.
17. OVER-THE-TOP ATTIRE
Pop stars with ostentatious outfits and other artists (and fans) who emulate their looks. It’s just not fun anymore now that everyone looks like the offspring of Ziggy Stardust and Grace Jones.
18. OMBRE HAIR & DIP-DYED ENDS
Now it’s just starting to look like you’re too lazy to get your hair did.
19. THE DESIGNER ‘IT’ BAG
We get it. You’re really, REALLY rich. But when too many people have a covetable luxury item, it loses its cachet.
20. FOAM PLATFORM FLIP FLOPS
Really? I still can’t believe these are being worn.
Feathered earrings make you look like a ’60s hippe, and feathered skirts make you look like an ice skater. Please use them sparingly.